Everything around me felt dead and empty. Within me was this deep pain that I could feel in every cell of my body. Never before had I experienced anything like it. I feared the things that lay behind this pain. Instead of facing it, I fought it, until I reached the point where the only thing more painful than the pain itself was my resistance to it. At this point, all I could think to do was to curl up and surrender to the pain. It was excruciating, but I surrendered.